if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
