Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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