I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
