So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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