Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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