we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
