jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
...so i touched it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
