I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
