We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
