i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
