My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
