the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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