They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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