Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
