I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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