I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
