dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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