If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
