Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i've created a new STD.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
