Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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