Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
