apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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