"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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