oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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