my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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