you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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