so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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