i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
