Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
