why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
