best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at about main and main street
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
