Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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