I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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