The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
