Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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