We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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