i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
