after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
