i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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