You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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