my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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