i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need to stop coming to work sober
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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