So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
