No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
