and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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