Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
