Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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