I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
