Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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