You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
