You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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