New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
