Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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