I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
