don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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