It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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I will be naked everywhere
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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