Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
