I'm passing your future prison.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
