Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
