The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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