my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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