We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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