'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
