im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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