how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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