Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
