I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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