sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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