dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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