Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
