when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
