Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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